Book Review: The Other Side of Diplomacy

By Simran Sodhi

One comes across books on foreign policy and the lives lived by diplomats across the globe quite often. So, it was a pleasant surprise to see a book which looks at the life of diplomacy from the perspective of the spouse/partner. The Other Side of Diplomacy, edited by Jayshree Misra Tripathi, is a collection of such perspectives. The book has fifteen chapters written by spouses who accompanied their husbands and in two cases, their wives, to postings in different parts of the world and their impressions of the cities they lived in and of Indian diplomacy.

One of the most interesting chapters is by Hema Devare who writes in The Lost Kingdom: Sikkim, about her husband’s sudden transfer from Washington DC to Sikkim, which in those days was an independent kingdom. Interestingly, by the time their posting comes to an end, Sikkim is a part of India. “When we went to Sikkim, we were on a foreign posting. After we left, it was no longer one. We were witness to the writing of this page of history.”

It is interesting to get an insight into how Sikkim was in the 1970s, the customs and the rituals. The personal insights offer the reader an idea of how family and personal lives had to be managed in the backdrop. Devare writes on her move to Sikkim, “When I saw the kitchen, my heart sank. Cooking had to be done on coal fire”.

Another interesting chapter is The Devils Wear Prada by Preeti Singh. It is an acute observation of the life lived in European cities and how racism is still pretty much an issue and how one as a spouse to a diplomat navigates it. “There were some encounters with insidious racism that made our blood boil before it could cool by understanding the ways of history its consequences”. She points out how Europe still prides itself on its distinctive culture and language and how dealing with Europeans could sometimes be not that easy a task.

In Beyond the Call of Matrimony penned by Reshmi Ray Dasgupta, history is intertwined with some delightful anecdotes. “Ma would recall how her early struggles with German once led to a peek on the cheek from a shop assistant in Berlin. She had wanted to buy a cushion (kissen in German) and inadvertently said “kussen” which means kissing!”

Another delightful anecdote is her mother’s encounter with then United States President John Kennedy when Indian Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru visited Washington. “It was a magical time, with banquets, concerts, and even a trip to Disneyland and Hollywood, where mother’s dinner partner, Marlon Brando scribbled Shakespearian sonnets on her napkin. At a White House gala for the visiting Indian leader, she was admiring the paintings when she was tapped on the shoulder. She turned around and a man said, ‘Hello, my name is John. What’s yours?’ An extraordinary conversation then ensued between a president and a lady.’ Gayatri Ray,’ said Ma, awestruck.

Ajay Shankar, an IAS officer, in his chapter Memories of an Accidental Diplomatic Spouse gives a different perspective as one of the two male voices in this anthology. He writes about meeting Meera in Dehradun where they both decided to forge a life together. As he points out, absence makes the heart grow stronger, turned out to be true in their case and despite their professional obligations, they were able to make memorable memories. He takes us to Germany where he spent time when his wife was posted there and among many of the observations says, “The beer belly was a result of sausages and pork, with beer thought to be benign, and it was widely believed that getting drunk on beer once a month was the key to longevity and good health”.

This book is an interesting read for many reasons. Most of the chapters are well written and an easy read and provide valuable insights into various cultures and nations, from Brazil to Germany to Ethiopia. It also helps to do away with the notion that the life of diplomacy is all about easy living, glamour and socialising. It provides a peek into the life of the partner, who has to balance frequent moving of homes, to balancing the personal with the professional demands of the partner. As the editor Jayshree Misra Tripathi writes in the preface, “We may be considered ‘diplomatic baggage’, according to one international best-seller (which I thoroughly enjoyed), but the truth is, there is a lot that goes into this unsung, unofficial role.”